We should stop calling them yoga pants. They aren’t pants, they’re a lifestyle. It’s the only stretchy piece of clothing you can leave the house in and still be respected. They are ambition pants. Hear me out on this.
If I wake up in the morning and put on sweats,I’m telling the world I’ll be sitting on the couch under a blanket eating chocolate and binge-watching Netflix. In yoga pants I have big dreams. I plan to attend mommy and me yoga, take the baby for a walk, get all my work done, make a balanced meal, clean the bathrooms. I don’t do any of that, but I feel like I could.
Yoga pants make me feel good about the fact that I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days. My husband gets so distracted by my ass that he forgets my shirt is covered in milk stains. They are mesmerizing. If you pair them with a tank top and a pair of athletic shoes people might think your greasy hair is from working out.
They just make you look ambitious.Women in yoga pants are respected and revered. At least I hope so. I vowed that I would never “let myself go” once I had a baby. Don’t get me wrong, I still dress up and paint my nails, but 5/7 days I look like hell. I’m unwashed, unkempt and a huge mess. I see the judgey stares from non-moms in the store. I’m the girl the vow to never become. If only I had worn yoga pants.
I regret not having serious feelings for yoga pants sooner. Back when they actually went to yoga I didn’t even respect them. They were the most comfortable and convenient thing for me to wear to bikram and they looked good. One time I thought I’d be cool and wear shorts. Yeah, pretty sure more people saw my goods than when I delivered a baby. F’real.
In any event, they make me feel powerful and invincible. Like I can carry 10 grocery bags and an 18 lb baby up the stairs in one trip. Or like I can rearrange the living room while my husband isn’t home. Or like I can lift the stroller into the trunk without scratching the car. 2 out of 3 of those things happened….
Wearing yoga pants is like telling the world that you’re doing nothing, but you’re planning something great and looking good doing it. I get that there are some women who do yoga in those pants, and I applaud them. I used to be one of them. I used to scoff at women wearing yoga pants and sandals. Now, I wear that uniform with a badge of honor.
So to my sista from another mista who is wearing yoga pants and hasn’t been to yoga in two years, I feel ya. Let’s just call them ambition pants. At least you tried pants. Congraulations on not reaching the part of Netflix where it asks if you’re still watching pants. You’ll do better tomorrow pants. Hey, your ass looks fantastic pants. Go get ’em girl.