I’m getting married in a week. Right now, we’re in love. Things are easy. I know it’s not going to always be like this. Any book you read will tell you that the “in love” experience and euphoria only lasts two years. So what happens when we start to fall out of love?
I guess it’s something you don’t really consider when you’re in the moment. I mean, everything feels great. It’s hard to imagine not having the feeling. It’s hard to believe that someday you might not feel that same excitement and spark. When that feeling fades, I think one of two things happen.
Some people resign themselves. They figure this is what relationships are. Their relationship slowly becomes a lifestyle rather than a life. It’s normal, even if it’s not good. They become accustomed to that life and believe it’s the best things can be, but the relationship has gone stale. I think these people are the more logical type.
Then others will believe that things can’t possibly be this way. I think these people are more dreamers. They see life as a grand fairy tale and when it doesn’t match that fantasy anymore they find ways to change that. More often than not, these people seek new romances. New romances are almost always exciting and energizing. When they find that same in-love experience they once had, they believe this time could not possibly end so badly.
I’ve been there. I’m a dreamer. I never prepared myself to stop feeling in love. Right now, it’s easy for me to speak my future husbands love language (read Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages). I don’t have to work at doing things for him and I relish in going out of my way to see him happy. When things go wrong it’s easy for me to look past his faults. It’s easy for me to forgive him. It’s easy for me to see past his whiskers in the sink.
What’s different about this relationship is that I know that love is ultimately a choice. I know that one day the sparks won’t be flying and that we’ll come to know a deeper kind of love. One that is consistent, stable and built upon shared experiences. But that kind of love isn’t natural. It takes a conscious effort day in and day out.
The first day I met my future husband, I knew I wanted to marry him. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind, and my love for him was reaffirmed every day. I can’t imagine my future without him, so I decided to do something differently. We both decided to do something differently. We opened ourselves up to the idea of better or worse.
I know it’s going to take work, but I also know that it’s going to be worth it. I want to live life with this man, and although that isn’t always going to match my visions of a fairy tale, my life will always be will perfectly imperfect. After all, aren’t we all just making memories out of mishaps?